Feb. 18th is my surgery and I am totally aware of how hard it is going to be but anxious to get it over with. For me it will mean I am halfway through all the awful stuff and that is a great milestone! I have not told my kids exactly how difficult this surgery is to recover from because right now they are not worried and I want to keep it that way. Isaac and Megan wouldn't understand anyway but Josh would work himself to tears. I don't want that. Rick is enough for me to handle. They all understand that I will be limited and uncomfortable.
Anyway, Rick is mad at life (I have been there) if he seems more grumpy than normal he's just angry and scared. For the most part I have moved past the anger and I am able to see the one road to get my health back, however unfair, this is it. I also am already looking forward to the reconstruction and know that what tomorrow brings in temporary. Just so you don't have to wonder, I will have a tissue expander placed tomorrow that will be filled as much as possible. I should only have to have saline added a few times. What that means is it probably won't be extremely noticable especially as time goes on.
Cancer has taken away so many things, my health, my energy, and my hair. I am reminded every morning of what is at stake when I see my kids sweet faces, I am fighting for so much and it's all worth it. I have my moments when it weighs heavy on me and by the time I am done we will have had an entire year of really hard things to go through. But that being said tonight (Tuesday night) we are doing something silly to break up the awfulness. I chose to have a Farewell Party for my boob! Rick is not laughing but I think it's great! I wanted to have my family come over for a blessing anyway and decided to make it a party. So tonight we are making lemonade out of the lemons we have been dealt or what ever way you want to say it.
I need all the positive things that so many of you have sent my way. The emails, letters, cards, etc. I really do cherish what you send and from time to time totally depend on them to pull myself together and go on.
I will have my sister post something to let everyone know how the surgery went. Thanks for all your love and support! Shauna
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2 comments:
There are no words I can find to tell you how much I wish I could be there tonight...and with you the weeks ahead. I love you, and have admired you every step you have taken in the battle you have so couragously been fighting. I feel so far from you right now, but I hope you can feel the love of your sister...missing you and praying for you.
lots of love and hugs,
Di
Shauna, I hope today goes GREAT! I will be thinking of you today. I would love to be there to support and help you and your family. Take Care and I sure love you! Love Carrie
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